“Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story” Lynn C. Tolson blog

Review of It Happens Every Day: Inside the World of a Sex Crimes D. A. by Robin Sax

Robin Sax is an expert on sex crimes against children. She was a Los Angeles County Deputy District Attorney who prosecuted offenders for the child sexual assault division. As an attorney and advocate for victims’ rights, she appears to be as passionate about her work as she is knowledgeable.

Sax says she wrote the book to illustrate what transpires when a district attorney prosecutes a child sexual assault case. Using a no-nonsense style of writing, Sax shows the reader how the criminal justice system works, or does not work, for its victims. She incorporates case studies as well as descriptions of crime scenes and victim statements to get her main point across: “child sexual assault has become a social epidemic.”

The book is divided into two parts, “Behind the One-Way Mirror” and “Behind Counsel Table.” Sax shows ways in which cases are investigated, how children are treated through the process, and what happens when a perpetrator is convicted. The reader learns about the justice system without the sensationalism of TV court drama. Sax provides an extensive appendix, separates fact from fiction, and offers her expert opinions.

Whether or not a victim pursues a criminal charge against a perpetrator, this is what Robin Sax knows for sure: sex crimes “will affect the victim’s outlook on life, decisions, and relationships for the rest of his or her life.”

Any advocate, expert, and concerned citizen should read this book to help protect children and raise awareness because 93% of victims know their attackers.

I’m beginning this blog with one of the most self-absorbed statements I can ever make: Where was Mike Domitrz when I needed a brother?

Would we hope that our brothers would love us, protect us, and be a friend? Woe is me, I never knew such a sibling relationship existed! My brother harassed me, tormented me, and ultimately sexually assaulted me when I was 12. Thirty years later, after my agonizing disclosures and confrontations (of what he’d done) I thought for sure we could rebuild our relationship to what siblings should be to each other. It took another decade of courage and compassion to reestablish a bond. However, in November of 2009, I was informed (by my brother) that my efforts were “not at all sincere” and he couldn’t trust me. With what? With keeping his secret into perpetuity? (Hey, that word has the prefix “perp.”) So why, I bemoan, didn’t I get a brother like Mike?

Mike Domitrz founded the Date Safe Project after he learned that his sister had been raped. He has taken on this focus:

“The Date Safe Project, Inc. provides parents, educators, educational institutions, students, military installations, community organizations, state agencies, and federal government resources, educational materials, and programming addressing consent, healthy intimacy, sexual education, sexual assault awareness, bystander intervention, and support for sexual assault survivors.”

Mike has made awareness and advocacy his life’s work.

I receive emails from men and women who tell me that their families of origin are not their support systems. Instead, these trauma victims say that their virtual friends have served as their community. Some say it is not the same as having your own family rally and rise. I used to feel that way. But now I see that there is a community of caring people who individually and collectively make a difference. My therapist said, “Lynn, you are not crazy. You were born sane to an insane family.” Now, I can choose my family, and Mike, I wish you were my brother! Cheers, Lynn

Lady J

Thank you Lady J for making a difference!

On behalf of all advocates for victims/survivors of trauma, I’d like to acknowledge Lady J. For nearly a decade, she has been promoting advocates and organizations that use their presence on the internet to make a difference in the lives of others. Lady J supports advocates, activists and causes, and considers it her life’s work. Through her generous “cooperative” philosophy she serves victims/survivors by letting others know who is giving voice to those seeking comfort from trauma. Lady J says, “Together we will all heal and have a wonderful life.” Visit all that Lady J has to offer at LadyJTalkZone!

Lady J is also a leather crafter. You can find her products and others’ at Duffy’s Closet

Lady J says that Duffy’s Closet is “a collaborate of artisans who strive to keep hand made and home made alive for further generations.” 4 Children’s Future

The founders of the non-profit organization (Wo)MEN SPEAK OUT are husband and wife team Christopher and Ophelia de Serres.

Founders of (Wo)MEN SPEAK OUT

As individuals, and as a couple, they are “dedicated to eradicating rape, sexual assault, and gender violence. We seek to educate both men and women, cultivating healthy relationships and gender equality.”

Christopher de Serres is the Co-Founder of (Wo)Men Speak Out™ and Editor of Minizine, a WSO quarterly online publication. A public speaker and freelance writer with a lifelong passion of the psychology and sociology, Chris has explored such subjects as the emotional and cultural impacts of abuse, gender constraints and recidivism in our communities. While much of his work serves his passions, he explores subjects that both educate and explore a more globally diverse context to include cultural variousness and the impact humans are having on the environment. During his free time, Chris is an avid rock climber and curious tourist. He currently lives in Seattle, WA. visit him on MySpace

Through her work as Director of Ophelia’s Love and Co-Founder of (Wo)Men Speak Out™, Ophelia de Serres has a style that is uniquely her own. She draws from her personal experience as a survivor of CSA, intimate partner violence and over 6 years as an Assaulted Women & Children’s Advocate.  visit her on MySpace

I’ve known of Ophelia as an advocate for nearly 5 years, and I’ve seen her work for victims/survivors evolve. She worked behind the scenes for Angela Shelton, yet was always there (on-line) to support others. Now Ophelia holds powerful live presentations with her husband Christopher, and they reach out with courage and compassion.

View their videos on YouTube. Christopher’s video on male sexual abuse is especially moving.